Will Rogers' ADVICE:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2 . Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back
in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The
few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric
fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it
back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The
moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line
for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want
people to know "why" I look this way. I've
traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or
leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it
is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has
been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with
sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf

And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you are old.

- Will Rogers